![]() Or like tell us a sexy story or whatever it was. ![]() “They wanted me to say that we like, basically fucked. What’s the British fucking government? The parliament? I didn’t want to be fucking whacked in the alleys of London because I lied. And dude, I said no to a lot of money because I didn’t feel right lying and fucking up the royal fucking family and having, who knows, the fucking KGB, oh no, that’s Russia. It’s funny because the tabloids, when that story broke, a couple of British tabloids offered to pay me a lot of money to say a lie, that we actually hooked up. But it looked like we dated, but nothing happened. We hung out once in a very non-datey way, but it got spun into we dated. “Well, I wasn’t really dating her, we hung out one time because we did a TV show together. One tabloid wanted him to lie and say they did it, but Simon didn’t feel right about that and didn’t want to be whacked (and not in a sexy way) by 007: Simon and Meghan met while filming a 2005 UPN sitcom called Cuts together, and he says that they went to lunch once, but it wasn’t a date. On Hollywood Raw, 45-year-old Simon says that when Meghan Markle went from chick on Suits to future wife of Prince Hot Ginge, the tabloids found out that he knew her and tried to get stories out of him. The clips are on PornHub in case your ass isn’t already there watching them. Simon got paid to do himself and also hump a really ugly rug from Ikea. Simon performed under the name “ Sebastian” in three fap films: Young, Hard & Solo #2, Young, Hard & Solo #3, and Hot Sessions III. (Wikipedia says he was around 20, but other sources say he was 18), he did what he had to do to pay the rent and that included doing himself on camera. When Simon Rex was just a youngin’ trying to make it in L.A. Simon claimed that one big British tabloid offered him a ton of money to lie and say he hooked up with Meghan Markle, and probably because that tabloid couldn’t wait to use the headline: Royal Blue Waffle! THE QUEEN Orders Meghan Markle’s Tramp Ass To Get An STD Test After Finding Out She Hooked Up With A Bareback Gay Porn Star!!!! Well, Simon Rex’s jack off porn past is back in the news again thanks to a story he told on a podcast called Hollywood Raw (which surprisingly isn’t a podcast devoted to porn starring celebrities). It wasn’t gay porn! It was just jack off porn! Yes, I still fapped to it, but I fapped through angry gritted teeth. When I finally opened up that clip, I dropped the lotion and waved my fist in the air while cursing the lie-telling evil pieces of trash who told me it was gay porn. And I’m giving you a low estimate when I say that it took 80 hours to download a 45-second clip (and that’s partly thanks to my sister fucking shit up for me by constantly having to use the phone). So of course, me, being hard up for anything gay, used our dial-up (which was run by a sedated snail on a rusty treadmill) to download Simon Rex’s gay porn from Napster, or some shit. The name Simon Rex takes me back to a frustrating moment in the 90s when a teenage me learned that a hot new MTV VJ named Simon Rex did gay porn.
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